Pet Humor

One of my favorite humorous authors is Chelsea Handler. In her most recent book, Lies that Chelsea Handler Told Me, her dog, Chunk wrote a chapter from his perspective about Chelsea. This chapter was one of the funniest in the book. Therefore, after receiving a forward with pictures of animals (dogs and cats) in costumes, it made me wonder, what is "man's best friend" truly thinking on a daily basis. Thankfully, the internet has a website for just about anything. Here are some of my favorite.


Rules for Dog Owners, Suggested By Their Dogs

1. I will not confuse my dog by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.
2. I will not ask my dog to play fetch with a boomerang.
3. I will not drag my dog away from the interesting sniffing spots.
4. I will not tell my dog to hurry up already when he's looking for just the right spot to take care of his business.
5. I will not stare while my dog is doing his business.
6. I will not feed the cat before I feed my dog.
7. I will get rid of that cat.
8. I will not bring home any more cats.
9. I will never eat until my dog has tasted what I have and approved it for me.
10. I will allow my dog on the couch
11. I will protect my dog from that obnoxious little human thing at all times.
12. I will not have another of those obnoxious little human things.
13. I will not sneak around the backyard wearing funny clothes to test whether my dog is a good watchdog.
14. I will not abandon my dog for trivial reasons like "going to work".
15. I will not come home from work and feel the sofa to see if it is still warm from where my dog was sleeping "illegally".
16. I will not make my dog wear silly-looking antlers or red hats.
17. I will not make my dog pose for pictures with some fat stranger in a red suit.
18. I will not tie leftover ribbons and bows all over my dog.

Cat Jokes

Q: What do cats like on their hot dogs?

A: Mouse-tard

Q: What do cats like to eat for breakfast?

A: Mice Krispies

Q:What has more lives than a cat?

A: A frog. It croaks every night.

Q: What kind of cats like to go bowling?

A: Alley cats.

Q: What's happening when you hear "woof..splat..meow...splat?"

A: It's raining cats and dogs.

Here's the website if you crave some more pet humor! http://www.i-pets.com/hjokes.html