My dearest Keurig, I met one of your cousins at a friend’s house. They asked me
if I cared for a hot beverage (very Sheldon Cooper of them) and then began
naming about 30 different blends of coffees, teas, and hot chocolates that I
could choose from. I was intrigued with the capability of a single kitchen
appliance, and it was instant love. Later, when I gazed upon you on the shelves
at the Waterloo, Iowa Bed Bath & Beyond store, I knew instantly that your
black and stainless steel look matched my kitchen appliances perfectly and when
your screen would light up blue, it would be the perfect pop of color for my
kitchen décor.
When I got you home, I took you out of your box and no
assembly was required. I just needed to provide some water into your reservoir
in order for you to begin producing the liquid of life, coffee. I have always preferred coffee that
doesn’t taste like food (i.e. French toast blends) and you had plenty of roasts
to choose from that fulfilled this coffee need. I had a brief affair with your
chai latte K-cups but it ended quickly and I used you mostly for coffee. Your easy, no mess, no hassle brewing
capability allowed me to kick a daily 8-shots of espresso habit that I
developed in undergrad; you most likely saved my bladder, kidneys, and heart
from a caffeine overdose. You instantly became a welcomed member of my kitchen
appliance family, and were always proudly displayed on my kitchen counter. The day your blue lighted screen no longer shone brightly throughout my kitchen, I felt like a little piece of me would be forever lost.
Not only did you save my life, but you made my life a little
less complicated by being so convenient. You gave me the strength in order to
procrastinate and remain awake to actually complete assignments and study for
tests in undergraduate and graduate school. My degrees I received in college
belong to you too. You allowed me to greet each morning with a smile (after a
cup of coffee, of course) and you made dealing with the world and people
tolerable with caffeine racing through my body.
Somehow I have managed to make non-coffee drinking friends,
and you allowed the option for them to be served tea through your awesomeness and
ability to not judge them for drinking a subpar beverage. Keeping K-cups stocked in my cabinet
was too easy through the option of ordering them online through keurig.com or
visiting the many different stores that carry these little pods of heaven. I
still have almost 100 K-cups remaining in my cabinet, and every time I see
them, I am reminded that they are most likely depressed because you are no longer
around; they are orphans.
I still have not replaced you with another Keurig; it is just
too soon. My friend gave me a French Press to utilize during my mourning period,
but don’t worry my precious Keurig, it’s just a rebound coffee machine. Sure,
the coffee is more aromatic and tastes better, but you have ruined me for all
other coffee brewing systems.
You worked hard your entire life and I will forever owe you
for your servitude and devotion.
May you rest in peace and continue to provide coffee to the millions.
You touched my life, and I will never forget all the coffee-infused memories
you gave me during your nine years.
