Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Warning labels

In our lawsuit-obsessed society and the increase number of stupid people, product manufacturers are writing warning labels on just about anything and everything. From medication labels to electronic devices, consumers are having to weigh the ramifications and benefits for using items. However, once in a while, these warning labels not only inform but also entertain. Here are some examples of REAL warning labels on products; my commentary is in red.

  1.  Child-size Batman costume comes with the warning label: "Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly." Additional warning: If you buy this garment thinking you are going to fly then you are unworthy of the costume, because you do not know your superheroes; Batman doesn't fly, Superman does...DUH!
  2. A clothes iron comes with this caution: "Warning: Never iron clothes on the body." If one feels the need to get wrinkles out of clothes while wearing them, you can always use a straightener; but then of course you will need to use an iron on your hair, because it's only fair.
  3. The instructions for a medical thermometer advise: "Do not use orally after using rectally." The origin of the phrase, "You don't know where that has been." I would definitely advise asking this question the next time a nurse wants to take your temperature; she will definitely appreciate the proactive approach you take to hygiene and your health...trust me!
  4. The box of a 500-piece puzzle reads: "Some assembly required." Contact a neurologist STAT, some brain assembly is required, definitely some screws loose.  If there wasn't any assembly necessary it wouldn't be a puzzle; it would be a picture. 
  5. A box of PMS relief tablets has this advice: "Warning: Do not use if you have prostate problem." I see a future lawsuit for this product. The exception to the rule would be hermaphrodites. Dear hermaphrodite that receives loads of money from a lawsuit, my name is Shaida and I wouldn't mind a trip to Greece.
  6. Cans of Easy Cheese contain this instruction. "For best results, remove cap." Survival of the fittest 101. Individuals that need this instruction are the individuals I want to see on the TV show, Survivor.
  7. A warning label on a nighttime sleep-aid reads: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."It's daytime, so that means the nighttime warning doesn't apply, and you can take double the dose.
  8. Cans of self-defense pepper spray caution: "May irritate eyes." Addendum should be: May irritate eyes and cause grown men to cry for their mommies. 
Warning labels were from the following website: http://www.stumbleupon.com/to/s/1wAIUF

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