Monday, December 19, 2011

Items for Sale

I love going to stores that offer unique gifts, especially around the holidays because my family is definitely "special" and has a twisted sense of humor. A store that is consistently stock with unique inventory is The Afternoon Store. It has three locations in the United States, two in Omaha and one at the Mall of America. This was my first time in the store during the Christmas holiday, and I honestly believe that this store has something for everyone. Below are some of my favorite items in the store. Even though the items themselves are humorous, my commentary is in red. 

Product: "How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack."
Description: A book with a comprehensive survival guide that will help you prepare for a gnome attack.
My Reaction: I am expecting to see a remake of the Nickelodeon cartoon show, David the Gnome, with a new Garden Ax Massacre plot.
Product: Honest Boy Pencil Sharpener
Description: Pinocchio pencil sharpener whose "nose" gets smaller the more a pencil is sharpened.
My Reaction: Looks like Pinocchio doesn't require plastic surgery for his rhinoplasty. 
Product: Kiss Me Frog Shaped Chocolates
Description: 2 Milk and 1 Caramel Chocolate Truffles
My Reaction: Now I am not a chocolate fan, but last I checked, you were suppose to eat chocolate not kiss it.
Product: Talking Bag Clip
Description: When opening bag clip, it will make a sound "Oink"
My Reaction: A less than subtle reminder that you shouldn't be eating those chips.
Product: Messenger Bag
Description: Messenger Bag with the saying "I like big mutts and I cannot lie" on it
My Reaction: Let me be the first one to introduce you to the collaborative song by Sir Mix A Lot and the Baja Men (one hit wonder with the song "who let the dogs out")
Product: Book
Description: Worst Ideas Ever book: A Celebration of Embarrassment
My Reaction: I think this book has a typo in the author names, this book was written by former President George W. Bush
Product: Coasters
Description: Snarky coasters with some of the following sayings: "When in doubt, Mumble" "For a good time (call someone else)" "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you." "So when's the wizard going to get back to you about that brain?"
My Reaction: I think I am going to start handing these out as "words of wisdom." Think of them as a fortune without the cookie.
Product: Napkins
Description: Napkins with a cartoon on it that says "Never, ever, think outside the box."
My Reaction: I am sure Jack In the Box would love even the option to be able to think outside of a box.
Product: Napkins
Description: Napkins with a snail being compared to a tape dispenser with the saying " I don't care if she is a tape dispenser. I love her."
My Reaction: I wonder if an alligator feels the same way about a stapler.

Product: Book
Description: Drawings that are drawn by drunk people, hence the title Don't Drink and Draw
My Reaction: I wonder what is the punishment for first time offense? Finger painting with children for community service hours?

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