Friday, December 16, 2011

Book Review: The Snark Handbook

Do you have what it takes to be snarky? I hope so, because I am so ready for a verbal sparring after this book. And I am seriously contemplating renaming my blog to Snarky Midwest Girl (I know I am so humble). The creation of the word "snark" has been postulated to originate from the words "snide" and "remark" being combined to create conversation that contains both hilarity and satire. When you think of snarky people, who comes to mind? Your best friend? TV shows? Movies? Literature? Bloggers?? hint hint :)  I recommend this book as one that you purchased and keep on your bookcase or elibrary, and not one you just borrow from the library. Best 168 page investment a person can make! However, there is a disclaimer before implementing any snark. Disclaimer: Snark is usually best when it's done in the company of others, implemented at an idiot's expense, and remember there is a time and place for snarks (so don't sue me if you get a black eye). So, you may be wondering, "Shaida, how do I become snarky?" Well if you have to ask then you may not have the gift, because snark is usually innate. But here is a 4 step program on  how-to-be-snarky!

Snark 101
1. Be direct. Critically direct.
2. Timing.
3. It's all personal.
4. Be Negative

Okay are you ready for a snark war yet? If not, I am going to share some of my favorite snarky quotes from the book to build your confidence up so my snark victory tastes that much snarkier!

  • Don't hate yourself in the morning---sleep until noon.
  • A friend is someone you can call to help you move. A best friend is someone you can call to help you move a body.
  • Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
  • I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. -Brian Kiley
  • Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. -Sam Levenson
  • My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.-Rita Rudner
  • I might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
  • The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning, you're on the job. -Slappy White
  • I'm so poor I can't even pay attention. -Ron Kittle
  • My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. -Benjamin Disraeli
  • Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
  • I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. -Tommy Cooper
  • I'm not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells.
  • Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
  • I'm still an atheist, thank God.
  • Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
Pickup Snark
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Women: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Women: sorry, there are no services today.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Women: I like it just the way it is, with N and O together.

5....4.....3.....2.......1 LET THE SNARKING BEGIN!

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