My Keurig's Eulogy

My dearest Keurig, I met one of your cousins at a friend’s house. They asked me if I cared for a hot beverage (very Sheldon Cooper of them) and then began naming about 30 different blends of coffees, teas, and hot chocolates that I could choose from. I was intrigued with the capability of a single kitchen appliance, and it was instant love. Later, when I gazed upon you on the shelves at the Waterloo, Iowa Bed Bath & Beyond store, I knew instantly that your black and stainless steel look matched my kitchen appliances perfectly and when your screen would light up blue, it would be the perfect pop of color for my kitchen décor.

When I got you home, I took you out of your box and no assembly was required. I just needed to provide some water into your reservoir in order for you to begin producing the liquid of life, coffee.  I have always preferred coffee that doesn’t taste like food (i.e. French toast blends) and you had plenty of roasts to choose from that fulfilled this coffee need. I had a brief affair with your chai latte K-cups but it ended quickly and I used you mostly for coffee.  Your easy, no mess, no hassle brewing capability allowed me to kick a daily 8-shots of espresso habit that I developed in undergrad; you most likely saved my bladder, kidneys, and heart from a caffeine overdose. You instantly became a welcomed member of my kitchen appliance family, and were always proudly displayed on my kitchen counter. The day your blue lighted screen no longer shone brightly throughout my kitchen, I felt like a little piece of me would be forever lost.

Not only did you save my life, but you made my life a little less complicated by being so convenient. You gave me the strength in order to procrastinate and remain awake to actually complete assignments and study for tests in undergraduate and graduate school. My degrees I received in college belong to you too. You allowed me to greet each morning with a smile (after a cup of coffee, of course) and you made dealing with the world and people tolerable with caffeine racing through my body.

Somehow I have managed to make non-coffee drinking friends, and you allowed the option for them to be served tea through your awesomeness and ability to not judge them for drinking a subpar beverage.  Keeping K-cups stocked in my cabinet was too easy through the option of ordering them online through keurig.com or visiting the many different stores that carry these little pods of heaven. I still have almost 100 K-cups remaining in my cabinet, and every time I see them, I am reminded that they are most likely depressed because you are no longer around; they are orphans.

I still have not replaced you with another Keurig; it is just too soon. My friend gave me a French Press to utilize during my mourning period, but don’t worry my precious Keurig, it’s just a rebound coffee machine. Sure, the coffee is more aromatic and tastes better, but you have ruined me for all other coffee brewing systems.

You worked hard your entire life and I will forever owe you for your servitude and devotion.  May you rest in peace and continue to provide coffee to the millions. You touched my life, and I will never forget all the coffee-infused memories you gave me during your nine years.