My Niece's Amusing Seattle Visit

My niece, Abigail, just recently visited me again in Seattle. I always enjoy spending time with my niece; she is relatively easy to entertain and is overall delightful. She makes my job as an aunt pretty effortless and she enjoys the city of Seattle just as much as I do. However, not having children of my own, there are things that I forget about kids since I don't have daily interactions with them. Here are some of the "my niece says/does the darnest things" examples from her visit in Seattle:

• Children have weird food cravings. My niece has cravings like a pregnant woman. When I asked her what she wanted for breakfast one morning, she replied " I want strawberry shortcake and pickles for breakfast." Being the rational aunt that I am I thought about her request. Strawberry shortcake contains grains, dairy, and fruit. Pickles are vegetables. Therefore, I added some turkey bacon to her request and it instantly became a balanced breakfast...no wait, it was a breakfast for champions and it solidified my status as an awesome aunt.
• While at the Pacific Science Center, the center had an exhibit where guests guessed the different smells. The scent that my niece sniffed was coconut. When I asked her what the smell was my niece replied that it smelled like French Fries. Either McDonald's has revamped what constitutes a French Fry or my niece has a bazaar olfactory process. But then again, my sister was never that good of a cook, so maybe she does utilize coconuts one way or another when attempting to make French Fries.
• When getting ready to drive to the zoo, my niece proclaimed that she is now old enough to sit in the front seat. Her facial expression portrayed so much excitement and pride. It was in that moment that I remembered as a kid, it is a big freakin deal to sit in the front seat.
• The phrases, "Just a second," "I am almost done," "Wait," "Just one more minute," and "I have to finish this first" are very annoying when spoken by someone other than me.
• I was reminded about the "5-seconds rule"when my niece dropped food on the floor. When I told my niece that the rule is not followed when she is around me, she replied, "Shaida, you really shouldn't break rules." And then I nicely argued back, "If you can tell me where it says that it's a rule that has be followed, than I will consider conceding." After explaining what the word concede means my niece then replied, "I will google it and show you." Google it???? That is so unfair, when I was her age there was no google around for me to win an argument with my parents. In conclusion, I am currently having to consider the 5-second rule because apparently EVERYTHING is on the internet.
• Pushing buttons (ex: garage doors, elevators) are what a child lives for in their life. I accidently pressed the button and was reminded in a defeated little voice "Shaida, you promised I could do it."
• When a child (or maybe it's just my niece) watches television while eating it results in so many crumbs on my couch that all the ants in the world could live a happy and full life. The defense that my niece presented on that matter...."Shaida, it's gravity's fault not mine. Do you know what gravity is?"  Abigail: 1  Science: 1 Shaida: 0 
• While watching a movie, my niece feels that it is her job to tell me when an actor/actress says a cuss word by stating "They just said a bad word."
• Children make strange requests. Here in Seattle, no matter if it's 80 degrees outside, the water temperature is still only 50 degrees. My niece wanted to wear her swimsuit so she could "play" in the water even after I relentlessly told her the water would be too cold to play in and it wouldn't be safe. I let her wear her swimsuit anyway. Apparently, I wasted the time "arguing" with her. She wouldn't get within 10 feet of the water, and when there was a wave, she ran away from it. After leaving the beach I asked her how she liked the beach. She replied that she enjoyed playing in the water. "IN" the water??
• Children can truly guilt you into ANYTHING. She got to sleep in my bed the last night she stayed with me in Seattle because she was so sad that it was our last night together. When I was trying to tell her that I wouldn't be able to sleep well because of her snoring. She told me that she doesn't snore, but rather she just breathes deeply. Conclusion: her breathing "deeply" sounds like a freight train....no, a freight train is quieter.
• Children travel with all of their stuff animals and expect you to remember their names, and are deeply insulted when you don't.
• When my niece was talking about some of the cartoons she watches and her favorite characters, I didn't recognize 99% of them. When I asked her if she ever watches some of the cartoons (Rugrats, Doug, David the Gnome) I saw as a kid, she replied "No, because I don't like watching black and white television." How old does she think I am??
• There is a wine bar here in Seattle called Purple. My niece wanted to eat there because she thought all the food would be purple. When I told her that is not the kinds of food they serve, she stated, "Well in the Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham, the food was green; therefore, a restaurant shouldn't call themselves purple if they won't serve purple food because that really disappoints people whose favorite colors are purple and pink." I am sure Purple is thrilled that my niece does not know how to leave restaurant reviews on the internet at this moment.
• Children cannot remember that you told them to take their dishes and napkins into the kitchen, even though you told them 10 seconds ago, HOWEVER, they absolutely remember that you promised them something from the gift shop 4 hours ago.