Snark 101
1. Be direct. Critically direct.
2. Timing.
3. It's all personal.
4. Be Negative
Okay are you ready for a snark war yet? If not, I am going to share some of my favorite snarky quotes from the book to build your confidence up so my snark victory tastes that much snarkier!
- Don't hate yourself in the morning
---sleep until noon. - A friend is someone you can call to help you move. A best friend is someone you can call to help you move a body.
- Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
- I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. -Brian Kiley
- Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. -Sam Levenson
- My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.-Rita Rudner
- I might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
- The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning, you're on the job. -Slappy White
- I'm so poor I can't even pay attention. -Ron Kittle
- My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. -Benjamin Disraeli
- Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
- I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. -Tommy Cooper
- I'm not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells.
- Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
- I'm still an atheist, thank God.
- Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
Pickup Snark
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Women: Do not enter.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Women: sorry, there are no services today.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Women: I like it just the way it is, with N and O together.
5....4.....3.....2.......1 LET THE SNARKING BEGIN!
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