Way-Too-Early Christmas Song and Traditions

This may get me labeled as an absolute Grinch, but today (November 5th) while I was driving and listening to the radio, the song "White Christmas" came on; I couldn't believe it!  Halloween just ended less than a week ago and it's already Christmas time; each year the Christmas holiday seems to start earlier and earlier. At this rate, I can envision after Valentine's Day that the aisles in department stores will be filled with candy canes, wrapping paper and fake snow.

Now that it is November I must prepare myself to be constantly reminded that Christmas is just around the corner; therefore, for my coping mechanism to deal with the extremely too early Christmas celebration that starts every year, I have come up with my ideal pre-Christmas celebrations:

• Christmas songs cannot begin to be played on the radio until it snows or when Thanksgiving is over
• Christmas decorations should not be in aisles of stores until the week of Thanksgiving; having them stocked in the store the day after Halloween is far too early 
• Holiday music albums should not come out until the month of December
• Stores should not have Christmas sales until at least Black Friday
• Starbucks Holiday Red Cups do not come out until December, NOT November. I do not wish to look at Santa and Frosty while I am enjoying the fall weather of the leaves changing while downing my coffee
• Santa hats should not be worn until December because I keep thinking I am seeing "Where's Waldo" around town and it shouldn't be that easy to spot him
• It is never okay to tie jingle bells onto children shoes; although I appreciate the warning that a child is approaching, the constant jingling is causing me to have pre-hypertension symptoms and I am only 26 years old
• Animals should not already be subjected to being put in holiday costumes; if you wouldn't wear it than you shouldn't put it on your pet
• Nativity sets should not be out in front of religious establishments until the month of December
• Do not wish a "Merry Christmas" to people until the middle of December....and why is every other holiday "happy" (i.e. Happy Easter, Happy Thanksgiving) but Christmas gets a "merry"?
• Egg Nog should be discontinued all together and so should Fruit Cake...no one has ever said "yum Fruit Cake"?
• Respect the Thanksgiving Turkey and do not put up Christmas decoration until after Thanksgiving, and don't use the excuse "well I want to put them up before the weather gets bad"
• Caroling is absolutely not allowed until December
• Christmas list making is not permitted until December
• Santa sightings at stores should not be until the month of December
• The time frame for parents to tell kids if they aren't good then Santa will bring them coal is December 1st-December 23rd
• October is the month for carving pumpkins, November is the month for killing turkeys, and December is the month for cutting down trees

I found the lyrics to the Way-Too-Early Christmas Song:
It’s not December
It’s barely even November
Outside it’s still too warm for snow to fall
Halloween was yesterday
And winter’s still a ways away
But try to tell that to the folks down at the mall
Inside’s a winter wonderland
I’m sorry, I don’t understand
‘cause mistletoe on Veteran’s Day seems wrong
But the shops are filled with Christmas cheer
And on the speakers, all you hear
Is the way-too-early Christmas song
Leaves just started changing
But the stores are rearranging
Their décor to wintry Christmas themes
See the red and green displays:
“Just 58 more shopping days”
And cardboard elves are planting plastic trees
Jesus in his manger cradle
Plus a little token dreidel
In a big display next to the Cinnabon
With three wise men and gifts they bring
Just plug them in, and they all sing
The way-too-early Christmas song
I know you need to satisfy your investors
But couldn’t you wait at least until the Savior’s third trimester?
Finally, just outside the Master-Cuts
Was Santa, and that fat bastard’s
“Ho ho ho”-ing drove me up the wall
Something snapped, I lost control
And kicked him square in his North Pole
And as he dropped, I decked him in his halls
So, my friends, I wish you well
From the mall security holding cell
I hope that they don’t keep me here too long
May you and yours find peace and love
Unless you are the writer of
The way-too-early Christmas song